one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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