My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
try to milk me bitch
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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