who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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