I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
soo... how was my night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
