You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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