We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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