then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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