I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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