You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize