I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's always time for handjobs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
