I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
