Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
