I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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