My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize