Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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