I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
