ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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