I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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