So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
