i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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