Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
