Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
