sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
