So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
