I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
