what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
