i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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