I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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