you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize