Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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