8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
