i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
