thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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