good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
