It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
