I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
