I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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