My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
