Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
