I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
