I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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