I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
