Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
