oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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