the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
