Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
