I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
