people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
