so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
