she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
