I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
