im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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