DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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