why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
