I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
