And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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