What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
