the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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