my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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