so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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