Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
