i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
