I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
