'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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